Networking can make many of us cringe!  When it is done poorly, most people feel very uncomfortable and ultimately can feel used.   So, why do so many of us have anxiety over this way of making new contacts and building lasting relationships?  Simple answer:  we tend not to create some reasonable expectations, and we tend not to prepare for the "why" and "how" of networking.

First, and foremost, each of us usually decides who we should contact based on what we want to know.  If you want to know about a particular topic, you usually determine who is knowledgeable on the subject and then you proceed to talk to this individual.   To be prepared and efficient, you need to know and be able to quickly say "why" you are contacting this person and be able to describe "how" they can help you with your investigation.   But when you are networking for job opportunities and contacts, you often don't know who you should talk to, and your list of contacts quickly becomes very limited. 

Many of us expect others to give us access to their networks, and this is reasonable if you manage your expectations.  Remember their contacts are connected to them not you.  You must prepare "why" you are contacting these referrals and get to the point of "how" you think they might help you.   For some of you who are not comfortable meeting new people, this will take thought and practice, especially if you are not a good communicator!  

Also, not all referrals will be helpful.  Therefore, keep your expectations in check.  Just because you are referred to someone, this does not mean they will take your call, return your call or be helpful.  Some will be very helpful and some not at all.   This does not reflect on you, but on the process...just keep going.  Eventually, you will talk with people who do want to help and have some useful recommendations for you. 

Humor helps when you are networking.  Most people like to help if they know what you are trying to do or what you are trying to find out.   Help them...remember you are building a new relationship.   Remember some of the people who have called you for help.  Which ones stand out in your mind as effective?  Why?  

Finally, check out some of the new networking sites that are highly reputable such as LinkedIn and SpeedNetworking.  Be open to new ways to meet people in your field.  Let me know what you think?  And remember, people do make the difference!